Your Love is my disguise

Your Love is my disguise
a song I hear it with with this bluesie gritty feel but still softish. Wish I could give you the tune any way rough draft goes.

So many things, coming against me.
My flesh rising up again, can it keep me from you. The world rearing up behind me, fighting through the pain wondering this time if this will be my end; over taken, left behind, unsure of my righteousness.

Power and Pain - Witness and Truth - Who can I be
Righteous and clean.

I need a reason and so I will let God's love be my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in His love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I will keep on believin, wading in His Holy Waters.
Knowing He'll come Like you've always done.

Never alone, never ashamed, No condemnation In His name.

the worlds all around me, trying to remind me I'm dirty and unclean, Broken and beaten how can this be.

I need a reason and so I will let God's love be my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in His love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I will keep on believing wading in His Holy Waters. Knowing He'll come Like you've always done.

refusing to negotiating with the world out of fear for I am yours and I know what ever comes tomorow I am His and He is mine. He will be my reason to keep on believing cause nothing can come against me which is not meant to make me stronger more loving and more dependent on HIM. My forever and my today. These battles are but for a season, for such a time as this. No weapon formed against me can prosper. His hand on my head I am yours and you are mine

I will run to you, praise you, lift my hands and worship you oh my King, Lord, master and friend. you are my reason, my forever, my friend. You love me, you hold me you show me who you are.

spirit and flesh
Power and Pain
Witness and Truth
Dirty or clean
Your all I need

Yes I believe, I believe in everything, In everything you are

You are my reason, Your love is my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in your love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I believe wading in your Holy Waters.
As you come for like you've always done.
I am home, never alone, I am home before your throne, I am home wrapped in your robes, I am home, I am free, I am free, I believe, In your presence I am home here before your throne, I am home

Your love is my disguise, my blue sky. Right here in your love, wading in Your Holy Waters. I am home

Never alone, never ashamed, No condemnation In His name. Your love is my disguise.

I will use whom I chose

I will use whom I chose, as you feel their snares and stares

Glinting sneers,

rejoice, leap with gladness

Humbly subject your manner unto them

Not everyone see the blood I see which washes over you.

Your dirty rags hang about you like the stench of your past but with the testimony of your words my silent rebuke will come.

Trust in me my child and open your mouth. Bare witness of Me and I will bring Glory to myself

Close up thine mouth and be a barren wasteland

Gal 2:18 For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor.

Barely Breathing

Breathing in
Breathing in
Breathing in

uhwhoooo Breathing out
I am barely breathing
I am broken inside
such fear
Tears
The Pain is not subsiding

I thought I knew
I thought I understood
Who am I

Is it sad - I have tasted that the Lord is gracious and struggle with His favor
He is always the same, I am ever changing
He is forever loving , I am arrogantly trusting

choice.... - to what

Conform to His image
correct my flesh

His hand outstretched and waiting

Choice
Desire - but what
the pure milk of the word
Lies of the flesh - soft lust

lay aside and rid yourself of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking
Every Thought into submission, let not a drop of iniquity pass your lips

the pain it burns

Choice
Rejected by man

I am precious, called out of darkness Chosen by God
Behold I cannot be put to shame
All Glory to God

Choice
ease
Temporal acceptance
Bumbling fool, Stumbling
I can build on this cornerstone disobedient with pleasure - The willing flesh


Struggling waring against my flesh - Honor among Gentiles - Death to my soul
anointed in Marvelous light - blissful in purposeful darkness

Choice
Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
Honor self - Love lust - Fear nothing - Praise iniquity

Death or Glory
Choice

What makes you think that I am like you

What makes you think that I am like you
because my face looks like yours
Because I have breath that i breath
well I am not like you
I do not see the world through eyes like yours
I will not see with out God
I will not let my judgments be made by what I alone see
I cannot let my values be shaped by this circle of life
I will not let The failures of men keep me from seeking His face
When I fail miserably I force my hands and will praise Him with all I have.
When I make a fool of myself I will fall on my face and bare witness to His faithfulness
We are confined to a finite time domain while housed with in these prisons but out side of our selves our spirits will fill the heavenlies and transverse the infinite dimensions of existence so when you say oh she is just like .........
Stop, stop yourself short & think, For I am unlike the countless you see before your eyes, I am the same as you, I am nobody but Christ Lives in me, I had nothing, I am nothing, I am a survivor, an over-comer, an extraordinary machine oiled , fueled, run and directed by God and striving to fulfill my desire to be the Bond servant of God.

Love? Is it that He Knew

How hard it is ...life
To hear their tears all your pain,
Why must I endure their voices
Come hold my hand
Let me take it all from you
My strength is He that dwells in me and I can endure for you
My sorrow strikes my soul
All the wickedness of flesh revealed in a moment’s time
How hard it is....
Come hold my hand I can try, to stand in the gap
How much more sorrow must the Lord of Host feel
How is it that He can rejoice at His Children’s sorrow?
Is it that He Knows?
The beginning from the end and as He holds every tear in His hand, He thinks of your end the beginning with Him
And for that He sent the savior?
While we were yet sinners He died for a beginning without end
Not just you and I
Not just for the just
But for Manson and Bin Landen for Chester and Mother Theresa
How my finite mind struggles to comprehend
It is you I should lift up and interceded for
It is for all I should lay down my life and am beckoned to my knees.
Sometimes I cannot feel myself
Overwhelmed with the wickedness of man and how I long to love your soul as he loves mine.
How hard it is.....The Flesh
How kind He is..... The spirit
Can we hold hands and I bend to you just this once setting aside the flesh wipe away your tears with my hair and wash your weary feet
Come to me as the Servant King has come to me
I am sorry you are depraved and wickedness has overcome you
Such sadness I know that could have been me
Oh depraved and perverted, I am sorry that I have not be there for you and help you to over come
I am sorry to you mother and grandfather that I can not take your place at the judgment hour
But be thee grateful for I am but human a broken vessel
Yet He the King of Kings believes in you and calls for you to come just as you are. Standing in the Gap for those who answer the call
Interceding and covering you at judgment hour.
But for now
I hear your tears near and far I bow my head and lay myself at your feet
Much Love

It?

Is it?
a child that is?

What does His word really say anyway? A man made book written to suppress and control the masses?
Flesh,He gave me that desire anyway
Passion that rages in my loins why should it not be fed?
God’s word says He made me and it was good and that He would deprive me of no good thing?

A child!……for me? Out of sin? Love? God gives and takes away? The only one who can give life?Alone, sadness, this is not how it is supposed to be
A child
Is it?
It doesn’t matter anyway
I can’t…..
Hope
what is thatHope…. it is goneI can only hope for forgiveness nowI am nothing nowLook what I have doneNext time I will do betterNext time I will resist the temptationsNext time I will know betterBut for nowThis timeI mustThere is no choiceI have toDon’t look at me and judge me that wayWhat do I have to offer this child, Is it?
What will my life become?
If I wait then……
Next time I will have more money
Next time I will have more education
Next time I will be in loveNext time I can give him a father
Hope…..
this is hopeless
I can’tI
have no choice
They will all look at me
They will fall , turn from God while I have just stumbled
They will point me out a Hypocrite
But if I wait
Next timeThey will praise me
Next timeI will be married
Next timeI will have morality on my sideNext time

A child ……
for me
WhyOut of sin
For what Lord
Can I talk you to you still, now that I have been over come?
Can you hear me
Will you understand

WHAT A PILL – all alone just me and the pill no one will know no surgery no fuss no muss and yeah what is it anyway?
Is it? I agree When does life begin anyway?
It doesn’t matter
My life would be hopeless
I have no choice here
I have to
They would look at me
Talk about me
Always see my sin before them
my bastard child forever my shame
Making me lower
Taking me lower
I can’t

If I end it, it is easy
No one has to know
Hopelessness begets hopelessness begets murder, death and Sin

Sin oh Sin its wages is death that could be to a life, self-esteem, relationships, finances, communication with God, morality, self, concious, love, hope, freedom

Let me close my eyes a while
Let me blot out the light
Let me lay a while
Hopeless

Is it?