Safety

Giving up,... eyes glazed over,.... tears swelling

whispering, softly to my soul "What a horrible feeling",

Eyes close, jaw clenched forcing back the tears

She shakes her head in defiance, tight folds aside her mouth tenderly wrinkled

Reluctantly conceding to defeat,

A frown appears but the tears never flow

"Fine" her mind screams "I will endure this thing called defeat but it will not beat me" her voice whispers aloud, like there is actually anyone about but her.

As the Potters Fire

I will be perfected

She puts up her head, neck stretched high, shoulders back

Mind clearing, face stern and straight laced

Giving up, what a horrible feeling

Queer

How do so many do it? Is it so easily?

Who are you to tell me I can or cannot?

Who are you to choose for me how long and why not?

Who am I to misunderstand my own intent?

The heels of her palms roughly press and slide against her face stretching it as herself.

I have never known to give up

Is it really in me? Like a warrior who must realize retreat.

Strategic or defeat?

The reality of Honor. The Horror of failure.

My stomach turns, sickening not the butterflies of love.

The resentment towards self, anger ensues with in her

Again she thinks

Oh but wait……

Towards the Enemy the evil one, this is his doing his will

To tear them down, fill them with this self condemnation the feeling of inferiority.

Giving up, hhmmmmm

Our Lord says He will finish what he started (Philippians 1:6)

Did He start this? wait….. she looks up, looks around as though the Lord is there.

Did you? She says aloud

Or did I beckon this to myself her head begins to swirl and rationalize, plotting and thickening with thoughts. Confusion overwhelms her

Giving up, Follow me, tenacity, fortitude, Pain, regret, Love,

She falls to her knees, plants her face into the ground heart looking up

Your wisdom, Mind clears, speaking in tongues, Peace,

Comfort me, lead me, reveal to me