Too Strange For this ordinary world

Purposing Faith

2009-06-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

As we drawn close and closer to God, He breaks me down little by little
But to rebuild me right
mold us to His image
Here is where we struggle wondering why I am feeling this way or that.

Insure
A bit out of control
Where are the reins, what is happening to my control

Cocky - Conceited - self absorbed just a few words that have been used to describe me I am ashamed to say
Its who I have always been and has always gotten me through

Now, I am not sure who I am anymore or who I am going to be

God breaking me down

Breaking Himself out of the box in my mind
Purposing Faith,
He will build me back up to be better.
Stronger and wiser, I hope, Kinder and gentler more loving and understanding, more compassionate and able to shine His hope into the lives of those around me.

Insecurity
What a humbling experience.
Feeling some what of an alien in my own body

Having always been an outsider, feeling apart from the world
Now I grow closer to my Adoni & feel more and more alienated from the world
Yet this time more and more at peace
I pray thee My King when this season too has past you will have broken another set of chains which ties me to this world
lifting me farther and farther from my former self which I have loved so much.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

My Feet, Your path

2009-06-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

June 11th 2009
Tune, In that old southern type song

I don't know, I don't know which way to go
all I know is you are My king
My savior, my Friend
I am forgiven and free
Forgiven and Free
So I set my feet on your path
and let you light my way
Oh Lord Show me your way

Or like

I don't Know ohhhhh I dont knoooow whi ch way tooo go
All I knooo oww ....... is you are my King
My Saviour , Mii Friend

I, I am, I am Forgiven and Fre eee
(ugh) So I ser my feet, on your path
and let you light my way
Ohhhh hhh Lord show me, show me your way.

I know too bad I dont have the nads to just sing it, but then I am tone def so maybe that is better anyway

Your Love is my disguise

2009-05-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Your Love is my disguise
a song I hear it with with this bluesie gritty feel but still softish. Wish I could give you the tune any way rough draft goes.

So many things, coming against me.
My flesh rising up again, can it keep me from you. The world rearing up behind me, fighting through the pain wondering this time if this will be my end; over taken, left behind, unsure of my righteousness.

Power and Pain - Witness and Truth - Who can I be
Righteous and clean.

I need a reason and so I will let God's love be my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in His love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I will keep on believin, wading in His Holy Waters.
Knowing He'll come Like you've always done.

Never alone, never ashamed, No condemnation In His name.

the worlds all around me, trying to remind me I'm dirty and unclean, Broken and beaten how can this be.

I need a reason and so I will let God's love be my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in His love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I will keep on believing wading in His Holy Waters. Knowing He'll come Like you've always done.

refusing to negotiating with the world out of fear for I am yours and I know what ever comes tomorow I am His and He is mine. He will be my reason to keep on believing cause nothing can come against me which is not meant to make me stronger more loving and more dependent on HIM. My forever and my today. These battles are but for a season, for such a time as this. No weapon formed against me can prosper. His hand on my head I am yours and you are mine

I will run to you, praise you, lift my hands and worship you oh my King, Lord, master and friend. you are my reason, my forever, my friend. You love me, you hold me you show me who you are.

spirit and flesh
Power and Pain
Witness and Truth
Dirty or clean
Your all I need

Yes I believe, I believe in everything, In everything you are

You are my reason, Your love is my disguise, my blue sky. I will wait right here in your love, waiting baskin in His Son light. I believe wading in your Holy Waters.
As you come for like you've always done.
I am home, never alone, I am home before your throne, I am home wrapped in your robes, I am home, I am free, I am free, I believe, In your presence I am home here before your throne, I am home

Your love is my disguise, my blue sky. Right here in your love, wading in Your Holy Waters. I am home

Never alone, never ashamed, No condemnation In His name. Your love is my disguise.

2009 Goal: Resolution, My liege

2009-01-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

My liege anoint me, appoint me and use me as your hands and feet extended
To Love, Agape, all those I encounter; To stay in His Will, diligently seeking His Word and wisdom, boldly coming unto the throne and the threshing floor, Keeping my eye on the mark, Jesus is my standard, To be about my fathers business diligent in all my efforts remembering as an ambassador to Christ I am to do things unto the Lord and not unto man, trusting Him for the outcome. Building precept upon precept, line upon line being transformed by the renewing of my mind, and when I fail not taking the easy way out, giving up I will start again. I can because He did Hayah, ELYON, Logos, YHWH, Elohim,

Your Spring of Life

2008-11-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

I am a woman of my convictions, a woman of lost in her passion.
I am nothing with out His love.
Forgiving, Self correcting, rebuilding.
I fail, I get up, I speak out, search out and reach for the living dead.
I am an extraordinary machine.
Not because of my will but His Will dictated to me
I, striving to be a bond slave rejoicing at my masters voice.
Knowing you may not like what I am saying and where I am going but you surly know where I stand.
Crying out in the midst of my darkness feeling His breath like the breeze of the autumn rain calling out to me, calming me.
Sure hate me if you need to but love me if you can.
I am nothing if I do not love.

I will use whom I chose

2008-10-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

I will use whom I chose, as you feel their snares and stares

Glinting sneers,

rejoice, leap with gladness

Humbly subject your manner unto them

Not everyone see the blood I see which washes over you.

Your dirty rags hang about you like the stench of your past but with the testimony of your words my silent rebuke will come.

Trust in me my child and open your mouth. Bare witness of Me and I will bring Glory to myself

Close up thine mouth and be a barren wasteland

Gal 2:18 For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor.

A new Creation in Christ

2008-10-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

I began to think about that A new creation in Christ and saw something- why is each of us a new creation? because together, unique meshed together with Christ a new creation emerges different than what sarah and Christ makes or Tiffany and Christ. Me and Christ together make the new creation. How simple. any way through that I heard the Lord speak to me...............................................

There will be a newness and a freshness of who I am. Of who you are, of who you are in me, of who I am with you, of who I am in you.

It is I that live in you now, The Christ.

You are not your own any longer, You have no rights, You are nothing. I am life, the only truth and I have chosen you to be my dwelling place. So rise up be ye conformed yet again.

Count your past knowledge of me as Loss as I bring you up to a new chamber.

Do not look back. Those past revelations were but stepping stones of what is to come but be not disheartened, count where I am taking you as Joy.

As you lived on the outskirts of kingdom and but touched the heavenly places for a moment, now you breath out as I breath you in and dwell here in the interior land that very few enter, increase the territory of my kingdom the inner and outer skirt’s.

Delight in my truth, touch the hem of my robe and smell the sweet savor of your praise to me. And you will know why I have chosen to love you. I am perfect and make no mistakes, when I first called you, I knew you who you were and counted you as blessing

Ever wonder who WE are in Christ and why we are so joyful

2008-09-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Well to Start He is Amazing - God that is. he is the bread of Life and the Everlasting Water.
Hold on Hold on read on read on :P

OUR Identity is Christ
I can perform all things Christ preformed ( I can stand and calm the seas, I can heal the sick, I can command the winds to stop and be still)
I am a Saint of the Living God
I am a child of God and that makes me a prophet
I am joyful
Blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places,
More than a conquer through Christ,
Marching in a triumphant precession,
Overcoming the Devil by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my tes
I have been bought with a Price
I am redeemed by Jesus Christ
I have a destiny
I am an Heir of God, Joint Heir with Christ
Redeemed from the hand of the enemy
Forgiven and saved by Grace
Justified, Sanctified, Cleansed by His Blood
a New creature in Christ,
Partakers of His Divine nature,
Redeemed by the curses of the law,
Delivered by the powers of Darkness,
Free from the Lust of my flesh,
led by the spirit of God, a child of the Most High God,
All My needs supplied according to His riches and Glory,
Abiding under the shadow of the Almighty,
I can cast all my cares on Him,
He has prepared a banqueting table for me, before us, in the presence of my enemies
HE has Anointed my head with oil -
My cup is running over,
goodness and mercy shall follow me ALL of the days of my life!!!
I shall Dwell in the House of the Lord
Strong in the Lord,
I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me
An Heir of the blessing of Abraham -
I am blessed coming in and Going out
Blessed getting up and laying down -
An Heir of Eternal life
Chosen, predestine, Conformable to the Image of Christ!!!,
Wooohooo, (shout) Glory Glory,
I once was dirty but now I am clean
I once was a child of the devil but now I am a child of the KING
I once had a past but now I have a future
I once was lost but now I am found
I once was dead but now I live
I was blind but Now I see -
When I was lost I didn't even Know it.
Loving not my life unto the death,
Not moved by what I see
but I walk by faith not by sight,
casting down vain imagination,
Bringing every thought into captivity of the Holy spirit,
I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind!!!!
Triumphant
I am a Laborer together with God
I am an AMBASSADOR of JESUS CHRIST
Part of Gods household,
the Household of faith
A Citizen of Heaven
A chosen one part of a Chosen people,
A royal priest hood
A holy nation
A city set on a Hill that cannot be hit
A Lively stone
A Living apisal being read by others
I have been Crucified with Christ, Buried with him in baptism, Resurrected to walk with Him in the newness of life,
My steps are ordered by the Lord
I am Blessed and prospered
I am Thankful to my Father -
He has gone to prepare a place for me that where He is I can be also
I stand ever ready Listening for the shout of the Arch Angel and the trumpet of God for when it sounds the dead in Christ shall rise first and those alive in Christ shall be caught up to meet the Lord in the air.

It is not all about Heaven It is about NOW and we are to share His saving Grace to all at all cost. We are not spreading some kind of disease it is Love and faithfulness peace and joy!!!
Christ is for everyone. So when the enemy comes and whispers to you This is not for the likes of you, that is a lie Christ came and died for us while we were sinners while we were still His enemy!
He came ,Left His place on High to die for those who would spit on Him and shun Him mock Him and reject Him ... so when you get in your head it is too late for me that is a lie so the enemy may steal your soul and keep you from God for eternity

and last I wanted to say or was it first
Once You have been touched by God you know it. Like seeing the Sun or when you feel a light breeze which tickles the back of your neck it soared by and you felt it and it was so nice and pure you would like to feel it again and bask in it.
No one can say there was no sun on your face or wind in your hair because well you felt it.
and you can always remember that feeling of that warm sun on your face
OK Ok back to subject

WE CAN NOT BE CONTAINED WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST or who you should be in Christ.
Who God says you are in Christ - Who you could be in Christ if you search with all your heart it will be revealed to you ( I am saying I but only so you can say it about yourself NEVER FORGET this is what God says about you who GOD says you are in Christ) as this is who We are in Christ we are a family and every where i go I know I always have a home and loved ones because my family spans the Globe and the heavens.

do not mumur and complain and whine ( that is so easy to do) just look in His face... when you begin to murmur and complain remember who is with you and whose you are. Do not look into the face of man to solve your problems.
Perception should not be trust instead Trust prophecy and revelation from God for it CANNOT BE WRONG God CANNOT LIE
Happiness is contingent of circumstances but Joy is forever and is found in God and God alone.

Now that the ramblings of a mad woman have come to a close :)))
here are some scriptures for anyone who cares and is interested in God, Knowing Him understanding Him and letting Him reveal Himself to you either for the first time or for a fresh anointed I think ... and yeah there is particular verses in each that I was thinking of but hey never gonna kill you to read MORE besides maybe you find something and revelation to share :) Romans: 5 Isiah :33, 62Mathew: 16Proverbs: 12, 28,29Psalms 3 and 82 Luke: 12,17
Habakukk: 2 Hebrews: 6 2 corinthians:4Peter 2Jas:1

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong Life is precious so embrace it and never hold back for you never know when tomorrow will never come!!!!

Barely Breathing

2008-08-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

Breathing in
Breathing in
Breathing in

uhwhoooo Breathing out
I am barely breathing
I am broken inside
such fear
Tears
The Pain is not subsiding

I thought I knew
I thought I understood
Who am I

Is it sad - I have tasted that the Lord is gracious and struggle with His favor
He is always the same, I am ever changing
He is forever loving , I am arrogantly trusting

choice.... - to what

Conform to His image
correct my flesh

His hand outstretched and waiting

Choice
Desire - but what
the pure milk of the word
Lies of the flesh - soft lust

lay aside and rid yourself of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking
Every Thought into submission, let not a drop of iniquity pass your lips

the pain it burns

Choice
Rejected by man

I am precious, called out of darkness Chosen by God
Behold I cannot be put to shame
All Glory to God

Choice
ease
Temporal acceptance
Bumbling fool, Stumbling
I can build on this cornerstone disobedient with pleasure - The willing flesh

Struggling waring against my flesh - Honor among Gentiles - Death to my soul
anointed in Marvelous light - blissful in purposeful darkness

Choice
Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
Honor self - Love lust - Fear nothing - Praise iniquity

Death or Glory
Choice

What makes you think that I am like you

2008-08-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

What makes you think that I am like you
because my face looks like yours
Because I have breath that i breath
well I am not like you
I do not see the world through eyes like yours
I will not see with out God
I will not let my judgments be made by what I alone see
I cannot let my values be shaped by this circle of life
I will not let The failures of men keep me from seeking His face
When I fail miserably I force my hands and will praise Him with all I have.
When I make a fool of myself I will fall on my face and bare witness to His faithfulness
We are confined to a finite time domain while housed with in these prisons but out side of our selves our spirits will fill the heavenlies and transverse the infinite dimensions of existence so when you say oh she is just like .........
Stop, stop yourself short & think, For I am unlike the countless you see before your eyes, I am the same as you, I am nobody but Christ Lives in me, I had nothing, I am nothing, I am a survivor, an over-comer, an extraordinary machine oiled , fueled, run and directed by God and striving to fulfill my desire to be the Bond servant of God.

Self... I will not let you Die

2008-08-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

Who can say it
How easy is it really
so long self
Hello........ goodbye
Self I will not let you die
Hello, softly you caress our ego
tenderly, I whisper everything I need to hear,
Smiling I know you'll fight for me too, it is nice to know someone will fight for meNever letting go- who could resist that kind of love, tenderly your playing my soul
Hello so long I have to let go
Your just my lies feeding my emotions..... Now for real goodbyyyyyye
I found true Love that cannot tell a lie
Peace feverishly burning deep inside - pricking me - calling me - urging me to follow close behind -
Gently showing me Powers far beyond a calling
echoing in the distance
running by
I only know you by your love -
I want to run and shout shackles shed
never hiding
I am here
right behind smiling -
heart racing what could be this
Divine
I heard of you once before but you were Just their dreams - Delusions wondering in reality -
Hello,
but
I cannot say goodbye
tearing my life apart
me runs wild
feeling everything there is to feel - Knowing you are trying to keep something from me
tippy toeing past my shame
NO
I will not Go - You are mine and there is nothing to be ashamed of -
living every moment who could blame me, I am mine
Who can say so long self
Hello........ goodbye
I cannot let you die
bowing my head in the shadows of pain I realize this time,........., I am not my own, I have been bought with a price.

Kinetic Strings of Gods Heart

2008-08-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

"You'll never understand" myself says.
"NO" my spirit calls out
You are His and a Saint to the Lord
He has given each of His own- the vision and wisdom according to their faith.
You can understand if you seek it.
For you are no Longer called servant but Friend
Then I should wait for confirmation as taught through His word.
"But Father"
"BUT?" No my child there is no But
"Father" there is yet another problem
I have no patience
my emotion, instant gratification, my rational flesh is so strong, there, here in this moment and time
I am not strong enough to overcome the thoughts of doubt!
I cannot
it is so overwhelming this waiting,
the unknown.
My security has always been my knowledge of knowing. Comprehending
"Why have you then blinded me my King?"

Yes Child ask
Always question.
Learn to love the breath I breathed into the nostrils of Adam.
Breaking you down, out of your comfort.

Drained, scared yet unafraid
I release,let go and relax like a marionette inert and genteelly manipulated by the Kinetic Strings of Gods Heart

Love? Is it that He Knew

2008-08-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

How hard it is ...life
To hear their tears all your pain,
Why must I endure their voices
Come hold my hand
Let me take it all from you
My strength is He that dwells in me and I can endure for you
My sorrow strikes my soul
All the wickedness of flesh revealed in a moment’s time
How hard it is....
Come hold my hand I can try, to stand in the gap
How much more sorrow must the Lord of Host feel
How is it that He can rejoice at His Children’s sorrow?
Is it that He Knows?
The beginning from the end and as He holds every tear in His hand, He thinks of your end the beginning with Him
And for that He sent the savior?
While we were yet sinners He died for a beginning without end
Not just you and I
Not just for the just
But for Manson and Bin Landen for Chester and Mother Theresa
How my finite mind struggles to comprehend
It is you I should lift up and interceded for
It is for all I should lay down my life and am beckoned to my knees.
Sometimes I cannot feel myself
Overwhelmed with the wickedness of man and how I long to love your soul as he loves mine.
How hard it is.....The Flesh
How kind He is..... The spirit
Can we hold hands and I bend to you just this once setting aside the flesh wipe away your tears with my hair and wash your weary feet
Come to me as the Servant King has come to me
I am sorry you are depraved and wickedness has overcome you
Such sadness I know that could have been me
Oh depraved and perverted, I am sorry that I have not be there for you and help you to over come
I am sorry to you mother and grandfather that I can not take your place at the judgment hour
But be thee grateful for I am but human a broken vessel
Yet He the King of Kings believes in you and calls for you to come just as you are. Standing in the Gap for those who answer the call
Interceding and covering you at judgment hour.
But for now
I hear your tears near and far I bow my head and lay myself at your feet
Much Love

test

2008-07-23T11:21:00.001-07:00

test

Over Extended

2008-07-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

My heart swells with Grief
I cannot even find my heart
I feel the tears fall, the warmth of their pain
But where is my warm heart
Why is it breaking, when I cannot even find it

Your so far away
So lost from even yourself
And yet I see you
I can feel your warmth, your heart, your pain

I see you contort and agonize
I reach out
You slap my hand
Bad Girl
Bad Baby
Now Now go on, mind your own business

I can’t see through the glaze of my eyes
The Pain of my Gut, sinking and dazed I reach out

Where are you, I call out wondering and ashamed
You don’t come

Wait…… I feel you I knew you would come
Wait ……. You feel strange sadness
Who is this

I find My Lords Hand…..
Pull it to my head
Like a Monkey looking for grooming
God pulls me close I nuzzle in press in
He pets my head Stroking me Like a father does His Child

Rest, Fear not
The tears flow so lovingly pouring into His lap so strong like they will never end
My heart there it is
Reaching out to you
To cover your pain
With my love

Your so far away
Do you recognize who you are
Do you remember your Dreams
Do you remember a time when there was only the world at your finger tips, did you ever feel that way

Your so beautiful
Such an Amazing creation
Lost in lies
Hopeless and sad
Scared and alone

Can I reach out to Love you My friend
Anger, self righteous pride, Self condemnation filled with the pain and lies of this world gone bad
Recoiled I grow distant and faint
Confused, My flesh burns with disappointment and hurt
Words bring death, Words are power

Control………………
Wait
be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit

Words Yes Words bring life
Words bring Hope
Words bind
Words up rise
Words encourage

Filled with Love, peace beyond human understanding, strength of the spirit not the Flesh
Lean not unto My understanding but Gods who ways are Higher than Mine. Living by faith not by sight
Love it loves always standing on the promises of God not that of the worlds who would have me walk away

Control, Power, Words, Choice

I will give and when I am empty I will lay my head back into the lap of my one and only father and let Him pour His spirit into filling me with His love empting myself of Me,
So long Self there is no room for you here in this temple of the Lord.

I reach out

Once I Did

2008-07-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah just to be loved
I wonder what that is like
Sometimes I see it
Sometimes I think I can obtain it

I once believed I could be loved
I once believed in innocence and forever

Yeah to be loved
To be seen
To always know they will be there
Someone who thinks there is no one like you

Yeah to be loved I promise that wherever you may go Wherever life may lead With all my heart I'll be there too From this moment on I want you to know I'll let nothing come between us And I will love the ones you love

Yeah once I did believe

It?

2008-07-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

Is it?
a child that is?

What does His word really say anyway? A man made book written to suppress and control the masses?
Flesh,He gave me that desire anyway
Passion that rages in my loins why should it not be fed?
God’s word says He made me and it was good and that He would deprive me of no good thing?

A child!……for me? Out of sin? Love? God gives and takes away? The only one who can give life?Alone, sadness, this is not how it is supposed to be
A child
Is it?
It doesn’t matter anyway
I can’t…..
Hope
what is thatHope…. it is goneI can only hope for forgiveness nowI am nothing nowLook what I have doneNext time I will do betterNext time I will resist the temptationsNext time I will know betterBut for nowThis timeI mustThere is no choiceI have toDon’t look at me and judge me that wayWhat do I have to offer this child, Is it?
What will my life become?
If I wait then……
Next time I will have more money
Next time I will have more education
Next time I will be in loveNext time I can give him a father
Hope…..
this is hopeless
I can’tI
have no choice
They will all look at me
They will fall , turn from God while I have just stumbled
They will point me out a Hypocrite
But if I wait
Next timeThey will praise me
Next timeI will be married
Next timeI will have morality on my sideNext time

A child ……
for me
WhyOut of sin
For what Lord
Can I talk you to you still, now that I have been over come?
Can you hear me
Will you understand

WHAT A PILL – all alone just me and the pill no one will know no surgery no fuss no muss and yeah what is it anyway?
Is it? I agree When does life begin anyway?
It doesn’t matter
My life would be hopeless
I have no choice here
I have to
They would look at me
Talk about me
Always see my sin before them
my bastard child forever my shame
Making me lower
Taking me lower
I can’t

If I end it, it is easy
No one has to know
Hopelessness begets hopelessness begets murder, death and Sin

Sin oh Sin its wages is death that could be to a life, self-esteem, relationships, finances, communication with God, morality, self, concious, love, hope, freedom

Let me close my eyes a while
Let me blot out the light
Let me lay a while
Hopeless

Is it?

Can you Find me?

2008-07-07T13:29:00.001-07:00

I wrote this a LONG time ago but just now getting it up :)

There is no place you cannot find me?
I hide way ashamed and scared - voices keep me calm your voice is just a murrmer in the crowd - The tears try to come but I - I am stronger than any tear, My mind wiser than any feeling -- Smirking at my dominance over myself boasting at my eloquent deceit - I see myself pure and righteous who are you to judge me.Look at the things I have done
I saw their eyes......., pain filled them and yet I looked away
I felt there heart and yet smiled at their pain
I took their life and gave it over to darkness
I can show you darkness only your dreams have told you of
My ego beyond your touch
I felt you lurking there
softly, you say do Not conform - bang down the beast of conformity
I saw you in my shadows and still I ran
Fearing if you caught me what things I would have to feel
fearing your rejection - shoot You are not even real
o fear how silly to fear something inside of you
Oh but........then on my journey
I am told that I am me
that all that is inside of me is real
that what part of me comes out is of my choosing - I am my own destiny - I control who I am -Help me self there are so many of you
Love hate -
Yes I like you
Pain ahhh I think I like you even better - what pleasures you endure - What sights you bring to me fear - Interesting you are - can I have a bit more adrenaline please
laughter
but the things that make me laugh, am I alone in these things - blood and suffering can be quite amuzing my friend come close and let me show you - yes a bit closer please
OH But Sex ahhh yes a pleasure beyond compare
here I am revealed - Dirty and soft - Pain and fear - let my submission dominate you hummmmm yes here my flesh is at home and your will is nothing
Love - Only tears for what is love - you talk of this thing an imaginary thing that leaves you always wanting always needing ,hungry and with void -
Love I can not touch you - I cannot feel you ,
Now sex - Fear- laughter - Hate - I can feel, see, hear and touch
but Love, to be in Love what joy that feeling is and ashamed and scared i hide away with in myself lost in the resesses of my mind hear the voices subside
Peace - Harmony - balance I become more than one and achieve Dharma So you say there is No place he cannot find me Everything you are is good
whispers in the dark
hiding in the light
everything you feel is good So do it
it is fear only fear and let no one Judge you
God?
They told me who needs a God especially a God of Love When I have the world to play
Safe with in the reality of the here and now
go figure Feeling safe with out a future,

If you believe in me it changes everything

2008-04-26T21:32:00.001-07:00

If you believe in me it changes everything
Who I am
How I love
how i raise my hands
Even anger
&
where my feet will tread
If you believe in me it changes everything
Dusty feet faltering
Tired and confused, Weary and broken
Oh my hideous choices
how is it I could be your reason
But if you believe in me in changes everything
every tear that falls
and each time my heart is broken
stretching out my hands
praising to the king
if you believe in me in changes everything
I cannot understand it - All the failures and the crippling I do of me
and still you believe in me - Giving me a moment more in time
Like you know I will come even when you know the end
Still your love is long suffering beginning and the end
You see me for who I am
Since the beginning of time you saw my face
Sure and confident of who I can be
Molding me like clay
Living for today - yesterday is gone
if you believe in me in changes everything
never looking back into the emptiness of that former shell
No need to remember what never was
No need to settle for second chances
I have Your endless embrace reaching out to me
limitless forgiveness
lookin for a reason , Lookin for a change
No way to shed the glimpse He's given me of His
Beautiful and Holy Glorious face
if you believe in me in changes everything

Seek ,Praise, Find,

2008-03-11T08:32:00.001-07:00

Seeking after Righteousness

How can one doubt something they are praising?? And with out faith it is impossible to please Him and yet God in His mercy and grace has called us to Praise Him and praise Him always through all things. Amazing Do you see it?? Meditate on that?

Burn my lips and unrighteousness asunder

Give your ear to hear the Lords mighty whispersOh, give thanks to the God of heaven! That made all things and will be when all things fade away. For the LORD has spoken this word. The land shall be entirely emptied and utterly plundered, Then the moon will be disgraced And the sun ashamed; For the LORD of hosts will reign forever, trust not in the things you see in the world for all the earth is in His hands the One who remains FOREVER.

His perfect ness, His righteousness and goodness which endures forever. Your Word says your Mercy endures forever, Love is faithful it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, can you imagine God trusts you that you would love Him and come to Him, love always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. God cannot fail you, God is love and God loves you. Do you see it Jesus stands there in the gap covering us with His blood that we are seen pure with no fault before God for our iniquity that is the sin which nailed Jesus to the cross? Iniquity! And yet Faith, Mercy, Grace and Love, these are the things God offers to us and if we would accept them and open our doors and heart to Him that He would give us eternal life in His presence In the presence of continual Love. This is the thing we reject and have to think so hard on accepting – This is the disease the world hates and tries to keep suppressed. He has called you into the light plucked you from the darkness and chosen to reveal Himself to you. Why? Have you ever meditated on that? Why? Why me, why you? Why were we chosen?Praising you God – Lifting my hands Open the heavens and the skies Blessed be your name Oh Lord.In your Mercy you do not give me what I deserve – Death In your Grace you give me what I do not deserve – LovePlucked from death, I cannot fall from your hands, you cannot lie, Your Word is life, Your word is truth. You give and take away according to your riches and Glory, your mercy and grace.Glory to the King the one and only true and living God – You are The Great I AM my every need met, Worthy Lamb, Holy comforterYou are not far away only from my heart to my knees face to the ground All the time I have wasted not praising your precious name, praying continuously, Heart lifted High for every sadness and pain. Did not You come down from heaven and say?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Love the action manifested to the face of man is the Son of Man, God come down from HighBlessed be the name of The Lord.

Oh Praise you, Bless your Holy name.
Holy Holy Holy are you Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven! Blessed am I I
shall lift up my voice and sing For the majesty of the LORD cries out all around me from the earth, sea and sky, every creeping thing to the dawning of the light. Glorify the Lord The God of Israel I bow down before you praising your Holy name. From the ends of the earth hear my praises, hear my cry, hear my continuous song Blessed am I

Safety

2007-12-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Giving up,... eyes glazed over,.... tears swelling

whispering, softly to my soul "What a horrible feeling",

Eyes close, jaw clenched forcing back the tears

She shakes her head in defiance, tight folds aside her mouth tenderly wrinkled

Reluctantly conceding to defeat,

A frown appears but the tears never flow

"Fine" her mind screams "I will endure this thing called defeat but it will not beat me" her voice whispers aloud, like there is actually anyone about but her.

As the Potters Fire

I will be perfected

She puts up her head, neck stretched high, shoulders back

Mind clearing, face stern and straight laced

Giving up, what a horrible feeling

Queer

How do so many do it? Is it so easily?

Who are you to tell me I can or cannot?

Who are you to choose for me how long and why not?

Who am I to misunderstand my own intent?

The heels of her palms roughly press and slide against her face stretching it as herself.

I have never known to give up

Is it really in me? Like a warrior who must realize retreat.

Strategic or defeat?

The reality of Honor. The Horror of failure.

My stomach turns, sickening not the butterflies of love.

The resentment towards self, anger ensues with in her

Again she thinks

Oh but wait……

Towards the Enemy the evil one, this is his doing his will

To tear them down, fill them with this self condemnation the feeling of inferiority.

Giving up, hhmmmmm

Our Lord says He will finish what he started (Philippians 1:6)

Did He start this? wait….. she looks up, looks around as though the Lord is there.

Did you? She says aloud

Or did I beckon this to myself her head begins to swirl and rationalize, plotting and thickening with thoughts. Confusion overwhelms her

Giving up, Follow me, tenacity, fortitude, Pain, regret, Love,

She falls to her knees, plants her face into the ground heart looking up

Your wisdom, Mind clears, speaking in tongues, Peace,

Comfort me, lead me, reveal to me

Barely breathing

2007-11-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

I was thinking I might die today

2007-09-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

This a a song so I put in the inflections best I could LOL - but it could be a poem too

Open my eyes - Oh open my eyes to see my soul, pretty eyes oh save my dreams
reflection of my missing life
Open my eyes
yeah it could be but in my head it went something more like this
like in a Billie Holiday style voice

Oooopeeennnn My eeyes .....OOOoooooooh Oooopeeen my eeeyes

to seeeee miiiii soul

Prettty eeeeeeyess oh save my dreams
reflection of my missing life

Ooopen my eyes

i was thinking I might die today
that my words might kill a dream
that I could plant a seed and save a soul
I was thinking today
That tomorrow may never come and what things would still need to be done

I was dreaming today that my eyes would open wiiiiiide to see the heart of God
alone today
here today
be with me today

Happiness sometimes I cannot find

forehhhver he would dwell in me
JOY ( whispering aloud -softly to my soul) Joy ( even softer still) ... (louder now I smiling ear to ear) sing Forever - Forever in my life, your Myyyyyii God -

Oooopeeennnn My eeyes eeeead my soul
Fire and clay to mold me your way

Happiness sometimes is far away but Joy comes always in the morning always surrounding me is your love Forehhhever your Love

Ohhver,flowing
smiles and joy, comfort and song, dancing and praising )
sometimes tomorrow never comes and Happiness is far away but put your hand on my heart and feel the beats of love when all around is fading away find your strength in me and let this clay give you a Joy that will never end it overflows from His majesty

Your not dancing today - they look upon my face see a smile that cannot fade but still they say your not singing today and their eyes look away

I can hear in side their head say "see she does have sadness"

Little do they know Sadness is the Lords ....
strength
and it is here that He is most powerful .... It is here I am most vulnerable
It is there I stand warrior not fading child falling away

Oooopeeennnn My eeyes OOOoooooooh Oooopeeen my eeeyes

to seeeee miiiii soul

Prettty eeeeeeyess oh save my dreams
reflection of my missing life

Ooopen my eyes

i was thinking I might die today
that my words might kill a dream
That tomorrow may never come and what things would still need to be done

I was dreaming today that my eyes would open wide to see the heart of God
( softly)
alone
meditating forever alone in your maaajeeeesttttyyyyy

By Ayesha Pursglove

Thermal energy...................................

2007-08-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

I saw this skit (Thanks Sandy and the Yahweh Ballet) by PUSH and I keep being reminded of it today. How sometimes we are like puppets on a string. But whose puppet do you want to be.

Usually we start off going the right way, step by step. Then life's waves pound into you and we lose our direction. Disorientated, Discombobulated, But being sensitive to the voice of truth that is key. As we (I) run one way there is always a tug on the back of our collars a tapping. Tap Tap Tap "Hey you" ….. my feet still running forward but as I glance back I again hear " hey you, where are you going?" who me I look around my eyes drawn up, my feet still running but I am going now where. "Yeah you" the voice rumbles and my soul trembles. I am going toward uhhhh that way and I am able there to control my hand lifting it up but not sure where to point, so I point forward. Eyebrows raised, ears pushed back, face contorted into an unsure smile. And still I am running no where, HIS force firmly on my collar twisting me around – Lifting me up. Ouch that kinda hurts there, you call that loving arms. Again Tap Tap Tap on my shoulder "NO NO no" He whispers. "My child I have something better come here" and chuckles a bit silly child "Let me lead I got you" I smile and nod my head like yeah I know and then It hits me " Oh you are saying I am going the wrong way, following flesh again" I can see deep in my spirit a faint smile and Him nodding his head, up and down up and down. "But be not troubled" He breaths. "It is ok………No worries………No condemnation" !! My flesh…hmmm…His Glory; His way (shrugs) My choice. His Way, His Glory, My Choice.

His ways are higher than my ways. His way does not seem rational. It cannot be right! I must be hearing wrong.

Then

"You can't understand" myself says. "NO" my spirit calls out you are His and a Saint to the Lord – He has given each of His own- the vision and wisdom according to their faith. You can understand if you seek it. So I should wait for confirmation as taught through His word. But Father there is yet another problem I have no patience my emotion and rational my flesh is so strong, there here in this moment and time I am not strong enough to overcome the thoughts of doubt! I cannot it is so overwhelming this waiting, the unknown. My security has always been my knowledge of knowing. Why have you then blinded me my King?

Yes Child ask always question. Learn to love the breath I breathed into the nostrils of Adam. Breaking you down, out of your comfort.

Drained, scared yet not afraid I release let go relax and like a marionette inert and genteelly manipulated by the Kinetic Strings of Gods Heart

Ayesha Pursglove SCG
I love the way the Lord Loves me and Draws me into Him. To find blessings in strife. That he can search my heart and draw out my praise no matter how my world may crumble. May we never let go of Him. He is the only one who can undo you – He is the only one who can.

coming

2007-08-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Will Post a Poem coming in a bit have to check somethings first :)